That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
