We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
