Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
