Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
