Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
