i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
