i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
