He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
