I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
