me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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