I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
