woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
