Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
