Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
