I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
