Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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