I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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