it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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