All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
