Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
