how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
