I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
