He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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