this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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