btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
even my farts smell like vagina
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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