umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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