I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
