She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
