it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
