people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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