sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
