i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
