Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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