Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
