I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
