my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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