so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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