whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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