and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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