Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
