How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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