I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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