I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
