Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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