one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
