the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
