I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
