Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
