Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
