She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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