I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
