I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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