JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ttyl tear gas
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
