Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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