So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
