Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
